brookiemonster

Finally a list!

2006-12-18T11:51:00.000Z

So where were we? It has been a long time since I posted on this blog - a blog which is increasingly becoming an embarassing testament to my inattentiveness and, well let's just be honest here, total apathy. But no more. Because I have a list! An end of year 'best of 2006' list!!! I promised I would do one of these. Sure it may have taken me 12 months and may relate to an entirely different year but, sweet jesus on a biscuit, I've done it. Before I get down to the important business of trying to impress everyone with my impeccable taste in music (a carefully weighted mix of genres with enough relative obscurity to maintain my credibility yet sprinkled with enough cross-over hits to make it clear that I am not a total pretentious knob ie I didn't life the entire thing from Pitchfork), I want to take a moment to be serious. I want to speak out about Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Not really. But I saw a article about some z-list celebrity and her secret struggle with IBS in Now Magazine earlier this year. I too suffer from the pain, inconvenience and embarassment of IBS but I still thought it was utterly hilarious. Anyway, I digress...I did actually want to be serious. I have decided to post my list of favourite songs released in 2006 because I don't think I can overstate the importance music has had in my life this year. Finding new music or rediscovering old favourites has kept me focused and engaged when I have thought I would never be able to quiet the shit-storm in my mind. It has been the avenue through which I have forged friendships. It has reinforced my connection with my sisters. And it has been the way I have let NB know that she is never far from my mind. A lot has changed since I last posted. I am now back in Australia - still getting my head around the contrast between the yellow and brown crunchy dust bowl that is Canberra and the damp green of Ireland. 2006 has been the hardest year of my adult life and in many ways I cannot wait to be rid of it. But I had the pleasure of hearing some shit hot tunes so it can't have been too bad...

My top 20 tunes of 2006 (noting that I allowed myself only one song by each artist - brutal; and no I couldn't narrow it down further)

1. Boy From School - Hot Chip
2. The Zookeepers Boy - Mew
3. Get Dancey - New Young Pony Club
4. Cellphones Dead - Beck
5. Long Distance Call - Phoenix
6. Missing Link - Cortney Tidwell
7. People - El Perro Del Mar
8. Like A Pen - The Knife
9. The Spaces Between - Expatriate
10. Warning Siren - Tiefschwarz
11. Slide In Next to Me - Red Riders
12.Wolf Like Me - TV on the Radio
13. Work on You - MSTRKRFT
14. Let My Shoes Lead Me Forward - Jenny Wilson
15. Whose Afraid of Detroit? - Claude Von Stroke
16. Harrowdown Hill - Thom Yorke
17. Gold Lion - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
18. I Wish You Were Gone - Joakim
19. 45 & Rising - Midnight Juggernauts
20 Suffer Well - Depeche Mode (technically 2005 but I don't care)

And on that note, I'm off to bed. See you in another 6 months.

Random musings

2006-06-06T21:22:00.000+01:00

...as they might say over at nopod. I really don't have anythig significant to say this evening. But I managed to get my laptop to work without too much difficulty this evening, so the moon must have entered the third house of Jupiter in my communications zone and I really thought I should take advantage, and write something...anything. Maybe I can start off with the technical issues plaguing my laptop. Fascinating!, I hear you say. Please, do describe these matters in painstaking detail. If you insist...Well actually it's just that I was so excited when Steve the Kiwi moved in and promptly got broadband wireless, as I thought it would mean I could now use my laptop instead of going to the skanky internet cafe. Although I would miss being surrounded by lonely Polish guys looking for love on all the wrong porn sights, it might mean I would post on this here blog a little more frequently...not to mention commence downloading illegally acquired music on a massive scale to feed my insatiabe desire for music I would feel too ashamed to buy (Britney Spears' Toxic comes to mind). As I'm sure you have figured out by now this story does not end with me building a global blogging empire worthy of challegning the Fug for supremacy. Instead my lap top decided that it would only allow the screen to work on every third attempt and only after 'pumping' the screen back and forward in a manner not unlike cranking the engine of an old car. Of course I could have taken the damn thing back weeks ago and had it fixed on warranty but why would I do that when I can enjoy endless hours of frustration. This is clearly the only possible course of action. Otherwise, what would I have been able to write about this evening?

PS - I have managed to download new music like a little champion. It is extremely addictive. I only wish the range of music was more substantial. Why don't strangers who I'm trying to get free music off have better taste in music?

PPS - yes I do know this post was rather pointless but so are all my other ones.

Finally, huh?

2006-05-13T16:59:00.000+01:00

Okay so I never got around to posting any top tens. I've been busy with all manner of charity work and the like. Of course I don't expect anyone to believe that but it's better than just coming out with the truth...I got RSI and couldn't tie my own shoe laces let alone type. Those of you who know me will also know that I still tie my shoe laces like a 4 year old so make of that what you will. Anyhoo, I've been thinking of revamping the brookiemonster but in the meantime I give you something shiny and pretty to look at. Hope it buys me some time to think of something interesting to write...

Patience

2006-01-17T18:46:00.000Z

Okay, okay so I haven't posted a best and worst of 2005 yet. These things take time you know. To be honest, I did actually start compiling a list and then realised I hadn't really bought that many albums, been to that many movies, read that many books etc etc this year. It was becoming more a case of The Best erm Three Books that Where Published This Year and I Happened to Read at Christmas. Doesn't look very authoritative does it. The only one I could really make a good showing in was 'Top Ten Songs' but anyone with ears could do that. I will struggle on though. The stuff I could really make some good lists out of are "Top Ten Fucking Stupid Things I've Done Whilst Pissed This Year" or "Top Ten Ways of Getting into An Argument". I'd have plenty of material for that.
Jeesus H, I'm in an unspeakably sour mood. Gonna go check out gofugyourself.com for a bit of a cheer up.

Promises, promises

2005-12-24T14:43:00.000Z

I know this blog has absolutely no theme whatsoever, no unifying thread apart from, and isn't this delicious, my complete lack of focus, my obsession with taking the piss at all costs and my preoccupation with smut and swearing. In other words its actually a wonderful reflection of my personality. Deep. So what is the point of this post? Well, one of Cristy's comments on a previous post, rather politely pointed out that I had promised to post once a week and that I had, rather unsurprisingly, failed to do so. If you scroll down you will see that in making that promise I made it clear that I was crap at keeping promises. Recent events in my life, events that have been largely self inflicted and rather unnecessarily painful, have once again confirmed that assessment of my promise keeping behaviour. The problem is that the stakes are often much higher than a stupid blog. Whoopdie shit, you say. Why are you making me queasy with this self indulgently introspective load of bull shit? Because I've had a fucking full on year and I want to vent. Its just end of year naval gazing so cut me break. Anyhoo....

For my next post, I am going to do a Who Magazine style Best and Worst of 2005. I love those things. Its the best part of the two week Chrissy to New Years Eve shit storm. Reading those lists and thinking to yourself 'holy fuck! I totally forgot that Hurricane Katrina happened this year'. And I adore talking about myself so it will combine two great loves.

BTW - did anyone else know that the Irish have a tendency to refer to 'the Christmas'. 'The Christmas' full stop. 'The Christmas', what? God love em. I'm assuming this is unique to the Paddy's like traffic lights on roundabouts. Don't get me started on that.

Mystery girl......revealed!

2005-12-14T19:04:00.000Z

Its okay, everyone breathe. No my phone did not miraculously turn up in an old pair of pants as I had hoped (now how the devil did you get in there?)and I have not yet spotted the arsehole who stole my jacket strolling along Dame St (wearing said jacket of course with nary a care in the world), therefore denying me the opportunity to chase them down and administer a public lashing. The lovely Niamh (and thats Neeve to all you cultural philistines unfamiliar with traditional Irish names)has, however, bought me a phone for Christmas, so I can now receive calls from my fans across the globe. A heartwarming story for the Festive Season.

God. Damn.

2005-12-11T13:47:00.000Z

I didn't get a mobile phone until 2003 which, in hindsight, is slightly embarassing. Even more embarassing was that I chose for my first 'handset', as I think they call them, a cheerful bright blue little number with oversized buttons. It looked like a Fisher Price 'My First Phone' that you'd give to a three year old. Well, at the time I specifically wanted a phone that was simple and did not have a goddamn camera. The reason why I took so long getting a phone a matter of principle. It annoyed me that everyone expected you to be contactable all the time. The reason why I'm not answering the phone is because I'm OUT and when I get back I will be able to answer it again. It seems such a simple concept but now mobiles have ruined all this. And it gave me the ripe shits having people answer their phone or, even worse, constantly checking to see if someone more interesting had called, whilst in the middle of a conversation with me, glorious me. Of course I have just exposed how hopelessly out of step I am having this rant at least a good 3 years after everyone else ie proper journalists and stuff, have have put in their thruppence a two penny on this matter. Of course as soon as I got my phone I started exhibiting all the same rude and clingy behaviour that had irritated me so much. Anyway, the point of this is, I managed to lose my phone, not to mention my only really warm jacket, at a club last night. It is really stupid actually. My lady friend went off to a work Christmas Party in some ridiculously obscure county in Ireland, so being the petulant little shit that I am, I decided I was going to hit the town rather than sit at home watching Keeping the Faith (the heartwarming Ed Norton/Ben Stiller flick - priest and rabbi fall in love with the same hot yet adorably goofy blonde, hilarity ensues) and feeling like a pathetic shadow of my former self. So I went to an establishment well known for accomodating cow's hoofs and instead of paying 2 euro for have my jacket safely stowed away in the cloak room, I just left it on a bench and, the best bit, left my phone in the pocket. She'll be right. Why would anyone want to take my phone? I might as well have given it away at the door. I got a little bit side tracked by the dancing and the chatting and the having of a good time, and when it was time to leave, all that remained was my little scarf sitting forlornly in the middle of the bench. The best bit is that, of course, I don't know the number of anyone I have met over the past 6 months here. Not even my lady friend. I wouldn't even know where to begin - all I needed was their names listed in my modest phone book. I have never felt more alone in my life. In summary, a fucking annoying way to end the weekend.

Good day to you all.

PS - the guy beside me has been looking at Polish porn for the past half hour. Its wonderful to see people being so comfortable with their sexual appetites.

Making love to the camera

2005-12-09T19:52:00.000Z

Just experimenting with this fandangled blogwebamabob thingy. Don't I look sexy...and yet constipated. It was hot on that roof. Another story.

And sitting on top of my head is bee-yoo-tee-ful Galway. I don't live there, I live in Dublin which is much uglier.

You do not defy Sarrie Pryor

2005-11-22T18:38:00.000Z

My spiritual soul sister and fellow cranky pants, Ms Sarah Pryor, has just set up a blog in anticipation of all her fans needing some Razzle McDazzle whilst she spends a 'challenging and fulfilling' (sorry Sal I couldn't resist)year in Laos. Being one for petty 'one-up-manship' this development has sent me scurrying back to this poor little neglected blog to ensure I am not outshone by her hilarious posts. Actually, she told me I should post something and, quite frankly, I'm scared of her...so I did.

So, how are we all? Yes I'm well thanks. Apart from the fact that after six months of living in Dublin, being exposed to people answering nearly every question with some variation on 'grand', I too have developed granditis. I don't think it is possible to convey how ubiquitous this word is in Irish society. It boggles the mind. Thats why I'm cutting myself some slack over being unable to resist its force. I fought for so long, insisting my sandwich was 'fine', that I would be 'right' and the toe I just stubbed was 'sweet'. But it was only a matter of time. Now everything is grand. But if I start saying 'come here to me' rather than 'listen' or asking people how the 'craic' is, I will ask my friends to stage an intervention.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm going to Prague tomorrow and then on to Vienna for a little winter break. I picked those places because I specifically wanted somewhere that suited the winter cold. But I was thinking 'cold' as in 'ooh a bit chilly, lets pull on a coat and scarf before heading out'cold. I checked the weather forecast for Prague - its going to be -8 to -2 on Thursday. Thats cold as in 'sweet baby jesus why have you foresaken me?' cold. I was aware that central Europe can get that cold, and a lot colder, in November - I'm not American - but I just didn't think of the practical reality of it being that cold. I hope I don't act like a little sissy and refuse to leave the hotel. No I'm sure I'll stoicly wrap myself in 30 different layers and take in the sights, tramping over the weak or less bulky in my pursuit of the 'AA Prague Top 25'. I'm sure. Momma I'm scared.

PS - for Cristy and Sal,AA stands for Automobile Association not Alcoholics Anonymous. Even though I think you'd approve of me getting some help from AA, they don't publish travel guides as yet. Well not that I know of. And how boring would they be anyway?. Getting drunk in new, exciting, foreign ways is the best part of travelling overseas. Without that.....boooooorrrrrrring.

Taking my ball and going home...

2005-05-21T13:10:00.000+01:00

Okay. Fine then. So no one wants to help out a poor lonely feeble minded Australian whose interest in the puerile knows no bounds. No no seriously. Its FINE. I'll just google 'after booze poos' like any normal person would.

Now you get nothing until at least tomorrow. And the next post will be really boring and full of serious weighty stuff, like 'why does Britney Spears insist on going out in public looking like a dirty skank who would not be welcome at a trailer park let alone a resident of said park'? She was always a hootchy but at least she looked like she used to brush her hair and maybe clean her face once in a while. These are the things that keep me up at night. That and the Middle Eastern peace process of course.

Lot 33

2005-05-14T19:07:00.000+01:00

I just want to make a quick post today about the mystery of the 'after booze poos' aka the 'after grog bog'. Due to my ever burgeoning alcoholism I am sadly very familiar with this phenomenon. Not having a particularly complex knowledge of human biology, however, means that I do not know the 'scientific' reason for the A.B.P. So I'm going to put it out there. I would be most grateful if someone could explain why and how having a few too many bottles of wine causes such a commotion in your bowels. Just a few sentences and maybe some diagrams would be fine. Now I must go home before I cause a commotion here. Damn that last bottle...

Always keeping it classy here on the Brookiemonster.

I can never keep promises....

2005-05-11T18:54:00.000+01:00

...but I will make one here anyway. I have been neglectful of my little blog. This might continue if I have to post while sitting in this internet cafe with this fucking fan blowing in my face. Its Ireland, its early May, I don't give a shit how stuffy it gets in here, there is no need for a fan. And its blowing hair into my eyes and annoying the fuck out of me. Regardless, the point is I have been neglectful and my promise, my pledge, is to post at least once every weekend unless I am doing something better and it would be utterly pathetic to be posting shit on a blog. Not only am I crap at keeping promises, I make crap promises. But I'm trying. Now I must go home and feed myself. Actually I just want to get away from the fan before I crack the shits and destroy it with my bare hands.

Why in god's name do I have a blog?

2005-03-13T06:22:00.000Z

I really had no desire to have a blog. Although I worship at the alter of the "Fug Girls" at gofugyourself, I have always thought of a blog as something enjoyed by either extremely earnest nerdy types or really hilarious nasty people who want to drag the rest of the world down with them. I, on the other hand, I a nasty nerd who wants to drag the rest of the world down with me. But thats not the reason I have a blog all the sudden. It was forced upon me by my newly betrothed friends Cristy and Paul - who will henceforth be referred to as "the Craul entity". After having a lovely breakfast with the Cr part of the Craul, I entered their apartment only to pick up some boxes to pack away my paltry belongings before heading off to Ireland for a year (and that's a whole different story). The next thing I know, they have created a blog for me, called it Brookiemonster and posted a photo of me that can only be described as unspeakably ugly. Yes these people are evil and they are my friends.

And to let you know just how little the idea of a blog took hold of my imagination, the preceding paragraph was written a little over a month ago. Ok, I admit it. I spent a month carefully crafting each sentence, mulling over full stops and contemplating whether I should start using emoticons to ensure every emotional nuance is fully understood. There is something terrifying about making the usual shit you send to your friends by email publicly available. I think its because you are suddenly aware of how inane and unfunny most of that shit really is. So now I think I have to write like someone could be out there (god knows who precisely but someone), looking for a hot young writing talent to sign up and by happy circumstance stumbles upon my blog. Of course they mistake it for genius rather than the tiresome crap that it really is, and I am thrust into the spotlight, feted around the world for being, like, really good at writing stuff n that.

So I am not going to pretend that this is any more than it is. Some random collection of shit that no one, except maybe Cristy and Paul (and even then only because they accidently thought they were clicking on each other's blogs), will ever read. Quite a liberating thought really. Although I guess there is a statistical chance someone could read this so, unfortunately, I might have to restrain myself from slagging off anyone who might be useful to me in the future. A bit of a shitter but I'm sure I can work around it.

I might write something about myself in the next post.